You are non-religious and you’ve decided to have an alternative humanist wedding ceremony-how cool!
With no set format or script to follow you are free to create a memorable day that is true to you as a couple.
But how do you go about planning one when the possibilities are endless?!
Firstly, what is a humanist ceremony?
For those that aren’t familiar with this type of ceremony, a humanist wedding is a non-religious ceremony that gives you the opportunity to personalise your wedding and marry on your own terms.
You can choose where you want to get married, when, and who officiates the wedding ceremony. There is no set script so you can be as creative and personal as you like.
Humanist weddings are a perfect choice if you would like:
A meaningful ceremony that isn’t religious.
To marry outdoors or at a location that isn’t licensed for civil weddings.
The flexibility to create a personal ceremony that is unique to you.
To get to know the person who will be conducting your wedding, or have a close friend or relative conduct it.
To celebrate your marriage with family and friends but without legally registering – for example, when the formalities have already been conducted abroad.
Finding a venue
As with planning any wedding you need to find a venue, and this is always a big task. But instead of being limited to venues that are licensed for civil weddings you can choose ANYWHERE! So why not make it extra special and personal. Consider a venue with sentimental value, outdoor locations with beautiful scenery or an area you love to visit.
Choose a celebrant
You may want to consider a trained humanist celebrant who will be experienced at creating and performing a meaningful ceremony.
Search for a celebrant at https://humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/non-religious-weddings/ and they will:
Get to know you and what you want from the occasion
Share their ideas and draw on their experience
Write a unique ceremony tailored just for you
Edit the script in response to your feedback
Conduct the ceremony
Give you a presentation copy of the final script.
The general guide price for a trained celebrant according to Humanists UK is £650, although the price can vary between £450-£1,000.
Or, you may want to ask someone close to you to conduct the wedding ceremony. As a wedding photographer I have seen many couples choose a close friend or relative to officiate their wedding, creating an intimate and personal ceremony that is truly special.
If you choose this option make sure the person you ask is going to be comfortable public speaking and taking on such a big role, the last thing you’d want is your celebrant to have stage fright on the day! But most often a friend or family member will consider it a huge honour and they will take the role very seriously.
I asked one of my couples for their advice on choosing a friend to officiate their wedding. V&J recommend asking someone who:
Is special to you both and knows you both really well.
You can trust and won’t have to chase or micromanage (you will have enough on your plate!)
You want to make feel special and part of your day.
Will enjoy doing it rather than finding it a stressful job.
Is good a public speaking.
Plan the order of service and script
With religious and civil wedding ceremonies there is a reasonably set pattern and format, but with humanist weddings, you can throw out the rule book and get creative. This is something that you can brainstorm between you and with your chosen celebrant.
Think about the look and feel of the wedding as a whole to ensure the ceremony is in the same spirit as the whole day.
Consider any traditional elements you would like to include such as vows, readings and exchanging of rings, and any non traditional elements. This is your opportunity to go off-piste after all!
Think about including readings and musical or creative performances. Keep in mind the wealth of talent amongst your guests and utilise this! Be mindful to only ask people who would relish the occasion rather than dread the responsibility!
Another couple left their chosen celebrant (a close friend) to her own devices. The only thing they knew about were the vows which they had written themselves and who they had invited to do readings.
“It was lovely to have an element of surprise in the day that we had otherwise put so much detail into planning ourselves.”
Write your bespoke promises and vows
This your opportunity to write vows and promises that are unique, genuine and heartfelt. You may want to write identical vows and promises, or even better, surprise each other with your own special words. This will make the ceremony all the more impactful and emotional.
Your vows are a gift to one another, and not only is this a beautiful way to bare your heart, it is also very memorable for your family and closest friends to witness.
You may want to include:
How your partner makes you feel.
Stories from your relationship so far, the fun filled adventures and the more challenging times.
Promises for your future and the life you want to build together.
A poem, song lyrics or a reading that sums up the power of your love.
Decorations and sparkle!
If you’ve chosen somewhere unusual for your humanist wedding, chances are it’s a blank canvas and you have free reign to decorate and adorn it how you like.
If the ceremony is outside then a breathtaking view may make things easy for you, but you may still want a focal point to make it extra special.
You could ask your florist to build a floral arch, hang lanterns or lighting from trees or roll Persian rugs down the aisle. The possibilities are endless!
Make it legal
Last but not least, the paper work.
There are legal considerations to be aware of when planning a humanist wedding. In the UK, humanist marriages enjoy legal recognition in Scotland, Northern Ireland, but not yet in England and Wales.
In England and Wales, couples who want to have a humanist wedding will often go to the register office to take care of the legal formalities in the days before or after their ceremony.
Why not treat this as an additional mini-wedding! An excuse for a more intimate celebration with your loved ones and to wear your dress again (or an excuse for a second outfit!)
You can get up to date information at https://humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/